No Regrets? An Impossibility....

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Turtle Love wrote:

Hi again sis!
I have one more question. I did something that I feel i'd probably regret in the days to come...What do i do?

How should one deal with regrets?

Hehehe...pasensya na sis, medyo serious ang questions ha? hihihi....i'm in a serious mood eh! hahaha! naniniwala ka ba? *wink*

Thank you!

love ya,
Turtle Love

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Dear Turtle Love,

You have 4 questions. Here's my take after a week of "meditation" .....

I did something that I feel i'd probably regret in the days to come...What do i do?

I answer with another question- is that act something that can be rectified? Or something that cannot be undone?

What the heck.... you have decided to act. There's a probability its for the best or for the worst. But you have the guts to act, not brood... congratulations!

How should one deal with regrets?

(While waiting in line at an FX station in Manila, I typed a nonsensical enumeration in my cellphone's note....)

a) Accept you do have regrets and can't do anything to erase it in your life's story

b) Learn from your regrets.
Do an autopsy on your regrets (this maybe painful, but we do need to face the music.)

c) Rant it all out to get it out of your system
Tell a very dependable friend about it, blog it (like I do sometimes, hehehe....), shout it out if
you want to. Bottled feelings on regrets may be harmful to the psyche. So its better for the
whole world to know your regrets? RIGHT!

d) Forgive yourself
Remember that everyone living has regrets (As every home or any building have insects
lurking inside even if there's pest control).

e) Move on to make lesser regrets
Don't wallow in "what ifs" and "what should have beens". After the painful self- "regret
autopsy", you could point out in "replay" your weakness that lead to that regret. Next time,
you'll know how to decide well.... toward happiness and fulfillment.

Hehehe...pasensya na sis (in english, be patient, sis) medyo serious ang questions ha? (translation: my questions are quite serious, huh?)

It's ok, Turtle Love. Serious stuff are quite insane....

hihihi....i'm in a serious mood eh! hahaha! naniniwala ka ba? (translation: do you believe?)*wink*

Of course, I believe you are serious! Your request is serious. So sorry dispensing took so long... I have to exorcise myself from my own serious mood to be insane. Thank goodness, I got the cold virus.... got me back from my "preferred" state....

REGRETS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. DON'T LET SOME OVER-OPTIMISTIC, "FLOATING IN THE CLOUDS" GURU TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

YET EVEN GOOD STUFF IS LETHAL IN TOXIC LEVELS. WALLOW, ACCEPT, LEARN, MOVE ON..... (TO OTHER WORTHWHILE REGRETS?)

Insanely yours,

Aleck, Insane Druggist

WHEN SHOULD WE USE THE HEART FIRST?

The insanity pharmacy is becoming my "queer eye for myself" shop !

In an act of desperation, I began seeking out patients needing insanity pills. This week, I finally found someone who is not in her right mind (just kidding a little, sis!) .

Here's her question (sent at aleck_dabest@yahoo.com):

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Hi sis!


One always gets this advice that the mind should rule over the heart right?

In what instances do you think should we let ourselves do the opposite which is to follow our heart instead of our mind?

I just need some enlightenment on this matter (with winking
smiley... sorry it didn't want to go in this dangerous territory - aleck)

...Thank you!

love,
Turtlelove

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Hi, Turtlelove!


This is a tall order, sis! But an order it is.... You had 2 questions:

a) One always gets this advice that the mind should rule over the heart right?

You are right. Though coming from well-meaning people, this advice has been given too often!

Hmmm.. if the mind should always be followed, why do we have a heart in the first place? (doctors would say a heart helps blood circulation but its a literal answer)

Also, if mind rules over heart always... love would be oh, so predictable. Love is at its best when its eccentric. Which takes us to your next query....

b) In what instances do you think should we let ourselves do the opposite which is to follow our heart instead of our mind?

Love doesn't not have set rules, as some books boldly claim.

Frankly, when I got your question, I was scratching my head and muttering, " Love is really my scourge! (that's another post altogether...)".

But I'll try to dispense some helpful (theoretical) pills for your dilemma.

You can let your heart rule over your head :

a) When you need some experience for your "love resume"

Your data will be dull if you let rationalizations ruin your fun, esp. your first "experience". If you let emotions rein free, you would have a swashbuckling tale to tell!

Just remember... you have a brain that you can use from time to time. Use it when you feel too intoxicated.

b) After you have done the necessary "tests"

Does he have an updated NBI clearance? have you checked his civil status at your fave Census? Did you pray to your favorite saints for a sign? have you checked his friendster, myspace, flickr, blogspot, etc. for possible pet peeves and other passions (like car-worship!)

If all's clear... try your "heart" out!

But do some more snooping to make sure...

c) If you're starting to notice that your world is reacting negatively to ALL your LOVE prospects!

Girl, you have to wonder... WHY DOES YOUR LOVE LIFE SOLICIT THE ADVICE, "mind over feeling"?

Think, think, think.... is it because people don't like your taste in men, not the man himself? or is it because you have a poor "suitable man radar"?

If the answer is the 1st one, by all means, use your heart. Feel being loved and ah, being hurt because you loved. If you answered the latter, hmmm... that's a problem I had to read more on.

Its your life anyway. And life without experiencing the downside is not living at all! (be prepared to cry and laugh at the same time, though.)

d) After you use your head..... (the surest way)

But don't use this option too much... you're stifling spontaneity! What's romance without a little unpredictability?

e) When you're 6 feet under.... (bah, humbug!)

But you're alive, sis! As Morrie shared in "Tuesdays with Morrie", soak yourself in the immediate emotion... then let go.... detach yourself (if you need to let go, that is).

Love may be the grandest, happiest feeling.... but it can also be a painful and confusing experience. Immerse yourself in this feeling.... yes, use your heart more often! Live and let live... Love and let it all in! But during lulls, go to your brain.

Your heart and brain work together... not only physiologically, but also in man's interplay with other people's feelings and ways of thinking!

If one is absent... we'll surely DIE!

Hope tis will keep you unbalanced (hehehe....)

Insanely yours,

Aleck

P.S. Pls. send my regards to Princess Lulu and Kim San Soon! :)

Why Nights are All Soap (no shampoo)

In this night of uninspired writing, let me take you to our sala's world.

Let us ask together: Why do soap operas reign in our free TV primetime?

(shucks, I feel like no one is behind me. They are watching that free-for-all soap of all soaps- Big Brother.)

More importantly: Why do I have to hurry in eating my dinner just to avoid soaps? (Ah, life's inconveniences!)

Answer to "group question": because we LOVE DRAMA (of other people, not ours) .

Answer to "more importantly": because soap's drama is an absurd picture of our realities. The folly of being foolish makes a story go longer. As the world is foolish enough, I have more than my fill of folly. Enough.

Hey, who got evicted? (oops... a lapse in my part!)

Why Pinoys Love Soap (let me count the whys):

1) Pinoys love tsismis (rumours).
Soap is smorgashboard of rumours put in visual mode.
What makes it more addicting is that we know all the protagonists' and villains' secrets. We can make an important remark to the ignorant... "I told you so!!!".

2) Pinoys love the underdog.
Imagine a cockroach persisting to live after whacking it several times. Got it?
Imagine a heroine or hero kidnapped, tortured physically and verbally, living in a hopeless circumstance.
Got the analogy?
The more the bida (protagonist) persists amidst very impossible odds, the more the viewers dig soap.

3) Pinoys love perfect Love stories: heaven and earth love stories. 2nd place, lost and found love. 3rd place, pretty pairs. Lurking nearby: the love triangle, square, pentagon, hexagon.... (dependent on staying power of Soap. Of course, Western soaps boast of more "complex" love affairs than ours).
What's a soap without a love story? What's life without love? In soaps, I can pick one truth (somewhat): LOVE IS LOONY & STUPID. The more insane (nay, blind) the lover is to the world plotting against his interest, the more COOL HE/SHE IS!

4) Pinoys love to watch, watch and watch. Then, Comment, comment, comment.

The boobtube (and soaps as its able assistants), has affected the way Pinoy households spend their nights! And adversely, our way of thinking.

Soaps stories are long but their endings are based on illusions of "fate", "destiny", "luck" and I daresay, fantasy. Pinoys are being encouraged to be couch potatoes at home and in life; we keep thinking that Darna, Krystala and some people ala Lord of the Rings with carnival costumes are just entities.

Soaps may cause us to forget that we are our own heroes. That underdogs can be heroes even in ordinary, non-melodramatic circumstances. That love needs a bit of wisdom and sense to be REALLY NOURISHING.

So off I go to my room to escape soaps in the sala.... I often have stomach upset in the process. Thank goodness, I have Loperamide and Attapulgite tabs in my medicine loot bag to tide me over....

On the contrary, more Pinoy homes are escaping realities/ getting too bombarded with too much reality via shows in the small screen. The sad part is, no pill can easily rectify disillusionment or illusionment.

If only soap opera producers could supply some shampoo to go with their soap.... we could get some "hair-sense" every night, somehow... ( big brother, can you hear me?)

Why Write? (A Violent Reaction)

Another self-questioning post.... Why again...

Why do I write?

One columnist's reason for being a writer is (let me summarize that one paragraph into a one-phrase interpretation) : to bare out the decadence of the society he moves on.

I have a different side on why I write (though I seem to be moving in his same thread in this post).

I write to pinch my cheeks... to feel the sensations of cold water suddenly thrown on my face; to feel that somehow, in this vast world, I exist and am part of this invisible community bonded by the written word.

" The hills are alive...." My reason for writing cannot be described with pun or song, nor with poking someone's chest for answers and critique.

There are lots of subjects out there waiting for someone to flesh them out in words. But sadly, darkness is an interesting topic especially in this confusing age, this "whatever generation".

I feel this darkness... I swim in its throes. I relish it and not shun it, because it is here. It is for this reason I write, though in a different perspective.

I write not as a foresayer of doom. I write not as an observer of society. I write to rouse myself to act and think- not comment then run to the hallways of escapism (the hills are alive.... as philosophers said.... )

I hope by writing, others may act and think. Because Writing is not only art.... it is a silent but potent movement.

Above all else, I write because of love. Because if writers don't love this world and its inhabitants, what's the rationale for sharing thoughts and invoking action?

(sermon done. my insanity pills pls...)

(hi to my fave mushroom columnist ! Thanks for spurring me to write! ... with the sound of music, lalalala)

How do you solve a problem like toot...toot... toot. How do you catch a cloud and pin it down... (stop it already, you're already contradicting your post!)

Why I Ask Why?

Why? - from myself

Why? - replied myself to myself

An instant reaction to any event is a why. There are many whys- more unanswered than answered ones. I was having a mental breakdown these past few weeks having to cope up in answering my whys. This week, even my body couldn't take it anymore. So, its decided. I have to face my whys and somehow give them an answer.

Why no. 1: Why am I still here in the Philippines? In the midst of braindrain here in this country perceived as "hopeless", many people (which I know are sincerely concerned on my welfare) are asking me this question.

Answer: the daily double!!!! ( i will wager a 5 peso coin)

This is a tough why... I am still here BECAUSE, BECAUSE.... (scratches head) I am a mental case??? Because I have delusions of a great country in our future? Or because am I scared to venture to a totally new society?

Okay, to put it point blank: I am still here because I want my transition to be gradual. I want to say a proper goodbye. It may sound so foolish to most, but I love a long goodbye. So, you have to bear the suspense. I WILL GO FLY SOMEWHERE (and not build a martyr's pedestal in my place, as others had misread) but at my pace, please...

Follow-up why: Why do you want to suffer more here in your country when you can stop your pain now and leave? (ah, the persistent ones....)

Why? Hmmmm.... I love suffering? I love pain? Of course not... I hate what I am experiencing now. I want to rest and be a woman of leisure at 40!!!

I want to leave my pain and suffering in a disposal bin, not in an "in" tray. I want to leave a legacy of finished business, not one of chaos and darkness in my wake. So I give myself a year at least to firm up friendships, networks and accomplish my dreams for my "area of responsibility". I want to earn extra with my so called talents to at least help out in my leaving plans (and not depend on loans which will eat on my passive income and my family income as well).

So pain today.... none (I hope) tomorrow.


Another but most important why: Why are you answering questions like this when its a big burden for you to think of it at all?

Because I want to clarify that I have no intention to be a martyr with no cause. And at the same time, I am no escapist with no cares on the country he/she'll leave behind (with the rationale that his/her remittances will cover his/her guilt).

I want everyone to know that I am still here because: I am a Filipino with the cause of making this nation great again. I will fly away but with the peace of mind of:
-not leaving any mess behind,
- laying a groundwork for my continuing allegiance to MY COUNTRY
- leaving a memento reminding me and my countrymen that- though I may not be here in my beloved motherland, I have a place in my plans for OUR FUTURE (not my family and loved ones alone)

I am sorry for this crude, frank piece. I want to regain some respect for STILL BEING HERE in my country. That in the end, your roots MATTER more...

More on other people's whys tomorrow....

I hope so...until another fellow asks me these same questions again- 100% probability :(