Why I Ask Why?
Why? - from myself
Why? - replied myself to myself
An instant reaction to any event is a why. There are many whys- more unanswered than answered ones. I was having a mental breakdown these past few weeks having to cope up in answering my whys. This week, even my body couldn't take it anymore. So, its decided. I have to face my whys and somehow give them an answer.
Why no. 1: Why am I still here in the Philippines? In the midst of braindrain here in this country perceived as "hopeless", many people (which I know are sincerely concerned on my welfare) are asking me this question.
Answer: the daily double!!!! ( i will wager a 5 peso coin)
This is a tough why... I am still here BECAUSE, BECAUSE.... (scratches head) I am a mental case??? Because I have delusions of a great country in our future? Or because am I scared to venture to a totally new society?
Okay, to put it point blank: I am still here because I want my transition to be gradual. I want to say a proper goodbye. It may sound so foolish to most, but I love a long goodbye. So, you have to bear the suspense. I WILL GO FLY SOMEWHERE (and not build a martyr's pedestal in my place, as others had misread) but at my pace, please...
Follow-up why: Why do you want to suffer more here in your country when you can stop your pain now and leave? (ah, the persistent ones....)
Why? Hmmmm.... I love suffering? I love pain? Of course not... I hate what I am experiencing now. I want to rest and be a woman of leisure at 40!!!
I want to leave my pain and suffering in a disposal bin, not in an "in" tray. I want to leave a legacy of finished business, not one of chaos and darkness in my wake. So I give myself a year at least to firm up friendships, networks and accomplish my dreams for my "area of responsibility". I want to earn extra with my so called talents to at least help out in my leaving plans (and not depend on loans which will eat on my passive income and my family income as well).
So pain today.... none (I hope) tomorrow.
Another but most important why: Why are you answering questions like this when its a big burden for you to think of it at all?
Because I want to clarify that I have no intention to be a martyr with no cause. And at the same time, I am no escapist with no cares on the country he/she'll leave behind (with the rationale that his/her remittances will cover his/her guilt).
I want everyone to know that I am still here because: I am a Filipino with the cause of making this nation great again. I will fly away but with the peace of mind of:
-not leaving any mess behind,
- laying a groundwork for my continuing allegiance to MY COUNTRY
- leaving a memento reminding me and my countrymen that- though I may not be here in my beloved motherland, I have a place in my plans for OUR FUTURE (not my family and loved ones alone)
I am sorry for this crude, frank piece. I want to regain some respect for STILL BEING HERE in my country. That in the end, your roots MATTER more...
More on other people's whys tomorrow....
I hope so...until another fellow asks me these same questions again- 100% probability :(
Why? - replied myself to myself
An instant reaction to any event is a why. There are many whys- more unanswered than answered ones. I was having a mental breakdown these past few weeks having to cope up in answering my whys. This week, even my body couldn't take it anymore. So, its decided. I have to face my whys and somehow give them an answer.
Why no. 1: Why am I still here in the Philippines? In the midst of braindrain here in this country perceived as "hopeless", many people (which I know are sincerely concerned on my welfare) are asking me this question.
Answer: the daily double!!!! ( i will wager a 5 peso coin)
This is a tough why... I am still here BECAUSE, BECAUSE.... (scratches head) I am a mental case??? Because I have delusions of a great country in our future? Or because am I scared to venture to a totally new society?
Okay, to put it point blank: I am still here because I want my transition to be gradual. I want to say a proper goodbye. It may sound so foolish to most, but I love a long goodbye. So, you have to bear the suspense. I WILL GO FLY SOMEWHERE (and not build a martyr's pedestal in my place, as others had misread) but at my pace, please...
Follow-up why: Why do you want to suffer more here in your country when you can stop your pain now and leave? (ah, the persistent ones....)
Why? Hmmmm.... I love suffering? I love pain? Of course not... I hate what I am experiencing now. I want to rest and be a woman of leisure at 40!!!
I want to leave my pain and suffering in a disposal bin, not in an "in" tray. I want to leave a legacy of finished business, not one of chaos and darkness in my wake. So I give myself a year at least to firm up friendships, networks and accomplish my dreams for my "area of responsibility". I want to earn extra with my so called talents to at least help out in my leaving plans (and not depend on loans which will eat on my passive income and my family income as well).
So pain today.... none (I hope) tomorrow.
Another but most important why: Why are you answering questions like this when its a big burden for you to think of it at all?
Because I want to clarify that I have no intention to be a martyr with no cause. And at the same time, I am no escapist with no cares on the country he/she'll leave behind (with the rationale that his/her remittances will cover his/her guilt).
I want everyone to know that I am still here because: I am a Filipino with the cause of making this nation great again. I will fly away but with the peace of mind of:
-not leaving any mess behind,
- laying a groundwork for my continuing allegiance to MY COUNTRY
- leaving a memento reminding me and my countrymen that- though I may not be here in my beloved motherland, I have a place in my plans for OUR FUTURE (not my family and loved ones alone)
I am sorry for this crude, frank piece. I want to regain some respect for STILL BEING HERE in my country. That in the end, your roots MATTER more...
More on other people's whys tomorrow....
I hope so...until another fellow asks me these same questions again- 100% probability :(
posted by alecksky | 3:21 PM
1 Comments:
Hi sis! Congratulations on your blog! Great entries especially this recent one...looking forward to your next post!
I think that the fact that you get asked these questions over and over again is proof that lots of people see your potential and they feel that you can further 'spread your wings' so to speak. And don't you think you can still do our nation proud when you are already working abroad? But I hear you when you say, "no loose ends", that's just but right...(ok, did i make sense? if not, please I need those sanity pills, Stat! hehehe) Thanks sis! mwah!
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